Patience is a quality that I have been learning to embrace and practice especially in the last year.

At the beginning of the COVID pandemic last march, the world came to an almost complete stop with shutdowns like I had never experienced before. Non-essential shops and services were literally shut down. We had to have an official letter from work to be allowed on the buses and trains that remained running to commute to and from work. Being essential workers, I was caught by surprise when a few of us received communication that we had to go on furlough for an unknown period of time. I had not been out of work for a very long time and I, like many of my colleagues were caught off guard. For the first couple of weeks, it felt like a free vacation and I was able to get caught up and be ahead in my school assignments. By the third week, daily bike riding, reading and watching TV was not enough. As someone who thrives on being busy, I became very unsettled and had a few candid conversations with my Abba……at first the conversations were one sided with me asking a lot of why me questions. I thank God that this experience came at a period in my life that I was more spiritually mature and attuned. So I knew from the bottom of my heart that I would find the answers from Him through spending time in His presence and these 2 scriptures gave me life and have kept me sane on many different levels.

• Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

As I meditated on this scripture, I remembered that there was a time that I read it in part focusing on the fact that God causes everything to work together. But now I had to ask myself about the second part, did I love God and was I called according to His purpose? Spiritual self-reflection became part of my routine. Searching my heart and my life to examine who I really was at the core.

• Ecclesiastes 3:1 – “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:”

Meditating on this scripture, I was reminded of what had been placed on my heart years earlier, to write a book. And it felt like now would be great time to write since I was not going to work being on furlough. I fought the urge to write for a few weeks and then one day on a bike ride I got inspired to start writing. The timing for me to start writing the book was ordained and the season of life that I was experiencing made it “the season” to write. Despite being on furlough and hating it, deep down I knew that God had a reason for me personally being in the position I was. In the flesh it did not make any sense at all. After all everyone knows that nurses will always have a job… oh well, a few of us were out of a job because of the pandemic. I started writing and thought since I had the time on my hands, it would take 2 months at the most. I was wrong, because the process of writing my life story took me on another detour, searching my soul even deeper. I had to now reach out to my family to get a better understanding or our history and make sense of my story. Yes, my story was being written from my personal experience but, I came from somewhere, came from a certain context, family, country, and culture. So, I stopped writing to reach out and talk to my father and siblings about our history. It was an eye-opening experience that was a huge blessing. I began to realize that, writing this book was not just about putting words on paper but a healing process for me. I pray it was a blessing to my son, siblings, and father as well. Operative word is that it is a process.

Fast forward a few months, I found a publisher and we set a timeline to get the book published on my birthday which is November 14^th. Needless to say, self-doubt, fear of the unknown, fear of hurting others in the process of publishing the book among other issues that sprouted from nowhere suddenly. I stopped writing and went back to ask God what was going on inside of me and if writing this book was His will for His glory. I did not get a clear response for day, and I was beginning to believe the book project had to be buried. One afternoon I went for a run one of my favorite trails in my neighborhood. I got confirmation that the book project was still on because God has ALWAYS had me in the Palm of His Hands. Even and especially during the times that I doubted He even existed. Needless to say, I continued to write but we had to change the timeline for finishing the book. I took my personal timeline out of the picture and submitted to the leading of Holy Spirit for what was to be included in the book and when it would be published. One important lesson I learned in the process is that once I completely submitted the process to God, I was not anxious to finish the project. I felt a sense of peace overwhelm me in the best possible way. While all of this was going on, I was working with someone else on putting together a website. The plan was put in place and the website would be up and launched by end of 2020. Being the person who prefers things to be done “on time” always, I surprised myself because I was not fretting about the slow pace, constant delays and eventually realizing it was not going to happen. The sense of peace that I had and the confidence that God was up to something and that I should be patiently wait on Him and His timing. Months passed and I had put the website on the proverbial back burner when another person who is an expert in website designing and management was literally dropped in my lap on a silver platter. They asked me a lot of questions and at first, I wondered why. Eventually I understood why they needed to know all the information. The first time they showed me the foundation for the website, I was wonderfully amazed. The conversations we have had so far have been a reminder for me that sometimes, God allows us to experience what we do not need or go through a challenging period in our lives so that when the “real deal” comes along, we are able to appreciate the blessing and value that it is. Everything working together for our good. An important aspect to remember here as well is that everyone is playing their own important role on this journey. Some may think or interpret that what did not work out was bad or those involved where not a part of the plan. Remember EVERYTHING works together for our good. So, it behooves us to appreciate, be thankful for each and every experience and encounter in our lives focusing on the lessons to be leaned from it. It definitely requires wisdom and patience…….yes patience which is an attribute that is treasured. The thing with patience, and maybe its just for me……it can be illusive and has required a lot of practice on my part to learn and appreciate its value. I am learning that practicing patients relieves a lot of pressure off my shoulders and heart and births a sense of peace beyond anyone’s understanding. I am now looking forward to whatever the Lord has instore on this life’s journey. In the meantime, I will continue to strive to be the best Kingdom Ambassador that I could ever be.

I am inviting you to join me in the ques to get better understanding of who God has created us to be. Asking questions may seem uncomfortable but it is necessary……lets learn together in this safe space.

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